God Is There and I Am Not Afraid of Being Monitored

By Mengying, China

In my second year of university, my elder sister passed me the information of God’s work in the last days. After reading God’s words, I understood that God is the source of man’s life, our life and everything is from God and it’s God leading us step by step up to today. Then I had church life and would often pray to God with brothers and sisters, read God’s words, and sing hymns to praise God. I felt especially peaceful, assured and joyful. I never had those feelings before.

On May 11, 2016, I came back to school after church meeting as usual. When I just walked into the campus, a classmate saw me and quickly ran to me, saying: “Where have you been? The secretary and teachers of our college have been looking for you. Go back to the dorm quickly.” I felt surprised to hear these words as we freshmen had rarely seen the secretary in the past year since the beginning. Moreover, I was not a student leader. What did they need from me? With no time to think much, I rushed back to the dorm. Opening the door, I was stared at by everyone. It was silent and felt like the air was coagulated. Suddenly a bad feeling came over me and I realized that the book of God’s words was in the cabinet. I ran to open it to find the book was gone. So was my phone. At the moment, I was trembling with fear and my heartbeat accelerated. I thought: “Did the university already know that I believed in God? The book of God’s words is gone now. If the teachers got the book and give it to the police, what if I will be sent into jail? I went to the brothers and sisters’ places quite often in the last two days, what if I was followed by teachers and students and they inform on my brothers and sisters? The more I thought, the more scared I felt. The tears were filling my eyes and I was trembling even worse than before. I wanted to go out of the dorm and adjust my feeling. However, when I was about to walk to the door, the roommates in different states united at that moment and moved closer to me immediately. At that time, the party branch secretary (Teacher Liu), the counsellor (Teacher Hou), and the league branch secretary (Teacher Wang) arrived at the dorm. Teacher Liu stared at me and felt like he was about to eat me. He violently asked me: “Where have you been? What have you done?” The sudden question left me dumbfounded and I didn’t know how to answer. When I was scared, I hurriedly prayed to God in my heart: “God! I don’t know what to do. May you lead me!” A passage of God’s words clearly appeared in my mind after my prayer: “You shouldn’t be afraid of this and that. No matter how many difficulties and dangers you face, you shall remain steady before Me; do not be obstructed by anything, so that My will can be carried out. This shall be your duty…. Be not afraid; with My support, who could ever block the road? Remember this! Remember! Everything that occurs is by My good intention and all is under My observation. Can your every word and action follow My word?” (“The Tenth Utterance”). God’s words reinforced my faith and gave me strength. God dominates everything. What shall I be afraid of when God is my rear guard? No matter how harsh the environment will be, I shall be stable before God and free from the teachers’ intimidation. I will rely on God and live on God’s word to face it. Thinking of these, I felt a bit of calmer and not that scared as before.

At that time, three teachers and seven roommates all pressed me about where I had been. I insisted that I went out and played with my classmates. Then Teacher Hou took out my phone, scrolled through it, and kept interrogating me: “We have talked with all the contacts in your phone and checked all the history of your QQ and WeChat. There was no classmate contacting with you to go out. Tell the truth: where have you been?” The roommates also repeated: “Where have you been? Tell the teachers quickly.” I didn’t know what to say and could only cry to God in my heart: “God! They have kept pressing me about where I had been. May you protect me. In any case, I won’t betray my brothers and sisters.” At that time, I recalled a passage of God’s words my mum read to me before: “In every step of work that God does within people, externally it appears to be interactions between people, as if born of human arrangements, or from human interference. But behind the scenes, every step of work, and everything that happens, is a wager made by Satan before God, and requires people to stand firm in their testimony to God” (“Only Loving God Is Truly Believing in God”). God’s words made me understand more clearly about what happened today. Externally it appeared that my roommates and teachers pressed me, but behind the scenes there was a spiritual war. They tried to push me in this way to admit my belief, to sell brothers and sisters, to deny God and betray God. However, God saved me from the dark world and then I enjoyed the comfort in my heart and soul. Under the watering of God’s words, I found the meaning of the life and came to understand how to have a valuable life. I won’t spend my time in vain anymore. However, when Satan saw me running away from it to God, it got anxious with red eyes and used my teachers and roommates to tempt me to abandon God. It is so mean and evil! I made a resolution in my mind: No matter how they will treat me today, I must stand testimony to shame Satan. I will never betray God or sell brothers and sisters. When I got the faith to stand testimony, they didn’t question me again and just scolded me that I didn’t have the milk of human kindness. Before they left, Teacher Liu warned me: “You are not allowed to go out of the dorm recently and should be on call. Without my permission, you are not allowed to go out of the campus. You will need approval to do shopping and buy meals.” Then the three teachers slammed the door and went away. At that moment, I praised God in my heart. Even though the teachers and roommates all besieged me, God was with me. He strengthened my faith with His powerful words, letting me see through Satan’s schemes and overcome its siege.

At around 3 p.m., Teacher Hou called and asked me to go to the office of the party branch secretary with the “accompany” of my roommate. After hanging up the phone, I predicted there would be another attack. I didn’t know how they were going to interrogate me and whether they would post my belief on the student bulletin board. Would I be recorded in my file or expelled? Would I be sent to the police?… I can’t stop thinking of these during the whole way to the secretary’s office and got concerned. But when I thought that God was my rear guard, I kept praying to God to protect my heart. Gradually my heart came down. When I stepped into the office, the party branch secretary warmly asked me to sit down with totally different attitude as before. I saw there was my file on his desk and some other documents. He started with my family conditions in details and then asked me intentionally: “I understand that your family is not quite wealthy. Your parents are old and none of your brothers and sisters go to school much. Presumably it would be hard for your family to put you through college. After your graduation, I could recommend you for admission to a company in a southern developed city with four to five thousand salaries per month. What do you say?” He paused and promised once again: “If you don’t want that, I could also refer you to a good school in our province to be a teacher. Of course, we can return the book to you, provided you get your church friends in the campus and return the book to them. Alternatively, you can go to the place where you meet them normally and return the book. I will ask four boys to protect you on the sly. As long as you say you won’t believe in God anymore and won’t contact those people either, we can pretend nothing happened and help you deal with the university and the police. There will be no record in your file and you can continue your study….”

In the face of those “special treatments” from him, I didn’t know what to choose, for my dream was to be a teacher in our province. Thinking of the competitive pressure in the teaching profession, it was hard to enter a good school without any good reference even though I have got a strong academic background. At that time, I hesitated and struggled in the battle: It is not easy for my elderly parents to support me for the university. If I say yes, my dream to be above others will be fulfilled. However, to achieve that, I have to abandon God’s name, betray God and even sell brothers and sisters…. Seeing I didn’t say anything, he intentionally raised his voice: “If you were recorded in the file, there will be no school to give you offers. Without a job, you will not be able to be filial. Kid, it’s not easy for your parents to afford your study. Even though you don’t think about yourself, think about your families!” His words poked at my weakness and I didn’t know what to do. I could only pray to God silently: “God! I’m distressed and I don’t know what to do. But I don’t want to betray you. May you guide me.” After the prayer, I recalled God’s words: “Most people wish they could work less and earn more, not to toil in the sun and rain, dress well, glow and shine everywhere, tower above others, and bring honor to their ancestors. People’s desires are so perfect, but when people take their first steps in the journey of their lives, they gradually come to realize how imperfect human destiny is, and for the first time they truly grasp the fact that, though one can make bold plans for one’s future, though one may harbor audacious fantasies, no one has the ability or the power to realize his or her own dreams, no one is in a position to control his or her own future” (“God Himself, the Unique III”). “Thus, in everything there is a battle, and when there is a battle within you, thanks to your actual cooperation and actual suffering God works within you. Ultimately, inside you are able to put the matter aside…. Everything you do requires you to pay a certain price in your efforts. Without actual hardship, you can’t satisfy God…. When God and Satan do battle in the spiritual realm, how should you satisfy God, and how should you stand firm in your testimony to Him? You should know that everything that happens to you is a great trial and the time when God needs you to bear testimony” (“Only Loving God Is Truly Believing in God”). God’s words enlightened me and made me understand that the secretary’s words were the means by which Satan tempted me to deviate from God. Knowing of my longing for the future and my love to my parents, Satan used scholarships, recommendation and other means to tempt me and deviate me from the true way. Satan is really tricky and insidious. Everyone wants a good job, wants to be above other people and bring honor to his ancestors and knit the beautiful dream. However, the reality is that none can control his destiny and his future. Man should obey God’s predestination and sovereignty. The secretary’s promises were truly tempting. However, he is just an ordinary man and cannot even control himself, how could he control my future? It was just talking and I wouldn’t believe it. I believed that God has already predestined my future. If I chose to satisfy my flesh, wasn’t it that I follow Satan and betray God? I wouldn’t bite the hand that feeds me and wouldn’t do anything I would regret for the rest of my life. Compared with my future, God is more important. Therefore, I firmly replied to the secretary: “To be honest, what you offer to me is what I dream of and is also my goal. But I won’t abandon God for my personal interests, because God’s words have accompanied me through my hard times. God has given me too much and I cannot be so selfish. Regarding my future after graduation, I believe God has already predestined, which you and I can’t decide. Whether a man will be rich or poor, no one can make efforts to earn that. The only thing I can do is to obey what God has arranged for me.” After I was finished speaking, all the teachers in the office signed and the secretary angrily pounded on the desk, smoked, pointed at me and indignantly shouted: “You don’t appreciate what is good!” Being scolded, I felt less scared but more sureness under the guidance of God’s words.

The confrontation didn’t stop, but it kept going like a raging fire. A few minutes later, the party branch secretary asked me where I had been that morning. I calmly insisted that I went out to my classmate’s. With an unbelievable expression on his face, he pointed to the documents on the desk and scolded me: “Who are you lying to? To tell you the truth, we have found the book of God’s words and the testimony you wrote in your cabinet, so we know you have believed in God. We have already reported it to the security office and the local police. We are not asking you without any evidence.” At that moment, I just realized that the teachers with the security had rummaged up the book of God’s words in my cabinet, exported the records of my recent leaving/coming back into the dorm building from the CCTV and touched all the contacts in my phone. Knowing all about these, I felt like the sky was falling, sitting on the sofa silly and stilly. I was too frightened to look at the secretary but held my fist with sweat in my hands. I thought: “Now the school knew about my belief and so did the police. What will happen to me in this atheistic country?” I remembered my mum said before: “The CCP government hates God and the truth. We don’t know how many brothers and sister have been arrested and sent into jails.” I was not sure if I would be like them…. The secretary continually threatened me: “Don’t you know that the CCP government doesn’t allow people to believe in God? You are against the CCP if you believe in God, and you will bear some legal issues.” Hearing these, I said with indignation: “I only understand that God’s words are to make me behave well and teach me how to be a man. God’s words also solve many of my problems. Man was created by God and everything we have today is from God. As creatures, we should come to God to worship Him and perform our duties. It is natural and obligatory. In any case, I won’t abandon God.” The party branch secretary sat upright, stared at me angrily and pointed to me: “You this student don’t listen to the good words. Once we send your things to the police, you may be sentenced for ten more years. You will be completely over for the rest of your life.”

The words of the party branch secretary gave me a big pressure like a mountain over me. Thinking I would spend the rest of my life in the jail since young, suddenly I felt feeble: “The CCP has been trying its best to arrest believers. Once I am caught, won’t my life be over? Whether will my families bear such a blow?… At that moment, I thought of God’s words: “You must have My courage within you…. But for the sake of Me, you must also not yield to any of the dark forces. Rely on My wisdom to walk the perfect way; do not allow the conspiracies of Satan to take hold. Put all your efforts into placing your heart before Me and I shall comfort you and give you peace and happiness in your heart” (“The Tenth Utterance”). God’s words comforted me and stopped me from trembling in fear. God’s words can create all things in heaven and on earth. God says there is, and then things are created. Thinking of these, I couldn’t doubt God’s power and authority. I believe Satan is in God’s hand, and so is the teacher. If God doesn’t allow this kind of environment to happen to me, no one can decide. As long as I sincerely cry to God and rely on God, I believe God will walk with me through this difficulty. I wouldn’t be afraid with God as my rear guard. When Satan tempts me, God wants a testimony from me. It’s His requirement for everyone who believes in Him and follows Him and it’s also an opportunity for me to stand testimony for God. I need to bravely say “NO” to the dark forces. No matter what my classmates talk about me, how they look at me and whether my teacher will send me to the jail, I cannot leave God. I will bear witness to God. If I were sent to the jail today, I would be willing to experience. Wherever I will be, I won’t fear anymore as God is with me. When I thought of these, my heart calmed down miraculously and the feeling of the scare was gone. With God’s guidance and comfort, what wouldn’t I let go! At that moment, the praise to God rose inside of my heart. God loves me so much and He led me to the present. I won’t let God down and will pay Him back with actions for His infinite love. So I firmly replied: “Through reading God’s words, I have understood what we should pursue and how to live a valuable and meaningful life. It’s a right path to believe in God. No matter what you say, I won’t abandon God’s name even though you send me into the jail.” Hearing my words, the party branch secretary, with a straight face, was undeterred saying, “The school doesn’t allow students to believe in God. If we let you go, our wages will be deducted by the government.” Then I suddenly realized the reason why the teachers were so afraid of me believing in God was that they worried about their position and whether they will be affected with promotion and increasing wages.

Since then, the school asked the teachers and classmates of my college to secretly monitor me and report my daily activities to the security office. What’s more, my college started to implement the course attendance system. Teachers knew well about which day I didn’t attend a class. In my spare time, the party branch secretary called me to go to his office at any time. Sometimes it was early in the morning, sometimes it was late in the evening. Because the book of God’s words was taken away by the teacher and I was worried that it would bring troubles to the church if the book was sent to the police, I never dared to say No and always went whenever he called. After a few conversations, with God’s guidance I didn’t compromise or sell my brothers and sisters. After that, the party branch secretary seldom had a talk with me, but he kept monitoring me on the sly. During the nine months I had been under house arrest, the college forced me to join the Party and attend its courses. If I didn’t go, they threatened and intimidated. During the class meeting, I was belittled as “a student with trouble” by teachers and classmates. I was like a bird being locked in a cage and restrained from freedom. The life was very depressed. To escape this kind of environment, I rented a small room outside the school. I studied there during the day and went back to the dorm in the evening. Sometimes I walked around the playground in the evening and went back to the dorm late, then the teacher would call me to check where I was and send my classmates to find me asking why I was not in. He also toughly commanded: “Give you half an hour to get back to the dorm.” Every time I got the call from the teacher, I didn’t dare to delay for a second and ran back to the dorm even though when I was having meals. When I got back to the dorm, I found other roommates were not yet in the dorm sometimes. But only I got scolded by the teacher. The counselor also intentionally asked me to handwrite self-criticism and even informed criticism to the public. Sometimes the teacher asked me to go to his office the next day, asking my exact whereabouts and calling to verify if I lied. He also told my parents about these…. Because of this, I was always crying. No one talked to me when I was in the dorm, however calls kept calling when I was outside. I also got criticism for going back late. Everyone in the class except me knew the due of assignments and the time of the exams. Then I was taught a lesson by teachers for not being able to submit the assignments on time or attending the exams. My classmates abused me that I was left behind and selfish. They also threw things in front of me and insulted me. Another bigger challenge to me was that no one wanted to be in the same group with me during the experimental classes. They saw me like a plague. It felt like a knife had been twisted into my heart in every experimental class when I thought I was quite welcomed before, but now I was a fifth-wheel…. I, never being insomniac before, couldn’t sleep at all during that time. I lost weight gradually and my mental condition was much worse than before.

I couldn’t bear the pains in my heart anymore, so I kneeled down before God and cried to Him: “God! It’s good to believe in God. But why are the classmates and teachers so hostile to me and no one talks to me. God, I don’t want to continue such a life like that…” I sobbed and couldn’t speak, but God’s words comforted my broken heart: “Perhaps you all remember these words: ‘For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, works for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.’ In the past, you have all heard this saying, yet none understood the true meaning of the words. Today, you know well the real significance they hold. These words are what God will accomplish in the last days. And they will be accomplished upon those cruelly afflicted by the great red dragon in the land where it lies. The great red dragon persecutes God and is the enemy of God, so in this land, those who believe in God are subjected to humiliation and persecution. That is why these words will become reality in you group of people” (“Is the Work of God So Simple as Man Imagines?”). Like the dawn from the heaven, God’s words driven away my fear and darkness in my heart and brightened it. That the little suffering I was subjected to today would be memorial to God, which was the blessing from God. I shall thank God and praise God! Only through the facts, I clearly saw the ugly substance of the CCP as a deceitful liar. With the publicity of freedom of belief, it restrains people from believing in God and gathering together and even tries its best to arrest believers and control Chinese people. It is to build an atheist zone and abolish God’s work in the last days. It is inevitable for a believer to be persecuted and abandoned by classmates and teachers in a country where people take God as an enemy. The teachers and students have been poisoned by the atheism and also threatened by the government. Concerning about their future, they follow the CCP to persecute me. It is not them, but the CCP who makes me suffer those pains. It is a good thing rather than a bad thing. Through the harsh environment, I became stronger and closer to God. Also I saw through the evil substance of the CCP and got out of its lies. It was a blessing to understand these things and bear witness for the creator through the experience. More appreciation rose inside of my heart. I also understood that the CCP hates the truth and doesn’t allow people to believe in God and follow God. Under the CCP’s power and lies, people blindly follow it to persecute believers. If I continued the study at school, I would be continually monitored and have no chance of reading God’s words, attending meetings and worshiping God. Thinking of the hard time every day and night in the nine months, I really didn’t want to be continually imprisoned. I firmly gave up the study and joined in the God’s house. Since then, I lived a free and happy life with brothers and sisters.

Recalling the experience in the journey, there were many cries, however it was the most precious wealth on the path of believing in God. Through it, I have got more determination to love God and I also got more faith and discernibility. I am the most blessed! From now on I will continue believing in God, experiencing God’s work and seeking to understand the truth, so that I can comfort God’s heart and live up to God’s expectations. All the glory be to Almighty God!